Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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