you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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