I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
