Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
