called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
