I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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