I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
