im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
