I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
