Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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