hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
