she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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