I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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