The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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