new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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