he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
