In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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