I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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