honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
