Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
