I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
