I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
