okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
