I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
