Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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