I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
