Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize