just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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