im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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