also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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