I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i believe in u and ur pee
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
