drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize