I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
