so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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