She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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