i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
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He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
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We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame