five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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