My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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