the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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