the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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