the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
