The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
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Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
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Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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