Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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