either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
