don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
