I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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