I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
