I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize