In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
