Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
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I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
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i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize