so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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