bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
