So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
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We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
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She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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