I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
