How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize