So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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