it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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